Just fucking use Loon.

So what is this then?

Somewhere along the way, renting a computer on the internet turned into a long process. You're meant to learn a console with 900 services, 3 of which you actually want, and pick between "instance families" like you're getting a dog. Then the bill turns up with a line on it you've never seen before.

Here's the thing nobody in big tech will say out loud: most stuff just needs a box. We give you the box. It's literally as simple as: ssh root@your-server and off you go.

Everyone else, summed up

AWS: a gazillion services, a wizard with 900 steps, and a free tier that is never free in the end. You wanted a server. You learnt an entire handbook you'll never use again.

Azure: same energy really, just a worse portal. You'll spend longer finding the button than running the thing you came to run.

The "simple" ones: simple until your bandwidth bill lands. Then you're cooked buddy.

Loon: "here's a box, here's the password, crack on." That's it...

Why not just use big cloud?

Go on then, we'd love to see you try. Set up a VPC, a subnet, a gateway, a route table, a security group, an IAM role, and a NAT gateway that costs more than the thing you're running... all so a Discord bot can say pong. That's not infrastructure is it, that's an entire ass hostage situation.

Stays up. That's the main thing.

Every plan's on fast, modern kit. DDoS protection, NVMe storage, full access and actual human support are in every plan... not dangled in front of you at checkout to make you feel bad.

"Yeah but mine's different."

It's probably not, and honestly that's good news.

"Spent a whole weekend arguing about Kubernetes for a bot that reminds me to drink water. Stuck it on Loon in ninety seconds and went outside instead."- a totally real quote from some guy who finally touched grass

Right, shall we?

First server's up in a few minutes. No contracts tying you in, no surprise bills, and a team who actually knows things when you need them. Stop overthinking. Just fucking use Loon.